Hold It
by right.round
Summary: Keep it bottled up inside, Tell yourself another lie, Try until you cannot try; Hold it 'til the day you die.


_Leap. Second position. Prep. Pirouette. Second. Prep. Double pirouette. Hand circles. Attitude. Grand battement. Third. __Plié, Chassé. Arabesque. Hold it. Hold it. Hol-_

The black skirts of the costume floated for a second longer than the solid body as it thudded to the ground. Blood was seeping through the silky fabric of the slippers. The arms were bent awkwardly, the left elbow trickling blood onto the white leotard. The right knee had been the break of the fall. The bruise, already forming, could just barely been seen through the white tights. A few painful tears dripped from the eyes.

_Get up. Again. Again._

Slowly, the body acquiesced to the mind. The blood pooling on the floor went unnoticed as she walked with a slight limp to the barre. Her hands grasped it tightly, whitening her pink knuckles.

_Shake it off._

Her wand lay on the floor, a few feet away. She ached to stop the pain, but doing so would be giving up. She couldn't give up; not now. Not now that she was so close.

_Again. Again._

She leapt. She spun. Again. She poised; she expelled a breath. She moved across the floor fluidly. She slowly swept her hand along the hardwood and brought the opposite leg straight into the air. Her legs were a perfect line. She held it.

After a long moment, she pushed gently on the floor with her hand and lowered the leg again. Her smile was soft but triumphant. At last, she held it. It took a few tries; but she always knew she could. No matter how many times she fell, she could hold it eventually. She just had to try harder, she told herself. She just had to block out the pain. Pain didn't – couldn't – exist in her world.

Because if it did, things would be too real.

The bells struck eleven. She sighed to herself, knowing she should get back. She healed most of the wounds with a few simple spells. She cleaned up the blood from the floor and the barre. With her bag zipped open, she held out her uniform, looking at it placidly. She put it down again.

Another flick of her wand, and soft, painful music drifted on a light breeze through the room. She drank it in. She began with her face to the ceiling, her slender neck craned gracefully at an angle. She knew the dance well. Her slippers were cast aside, and her skirts were discarded beside them. Only her thin leotard covered her body, the tights over her legs.

It was contemporary; much like ballet. But there was something different about contemporary. It was freer, somehow. Ballet was precise and exquisite. Contemporary meant you could be anyone, anything. You could make your own leaps, and they didn't have to follow every technique. You could fly.

The sweet music came to a close, and the girl ended with her arabesque. She could hold it now. She could hold it forever, if she wanted.

She zipped her skirts and shoes up safely in the bag, wearing her school uniform over the leotard. Her bag slung over her shoulder, she stole barefoot through the corridors. It was careless, to be out this late, and she knew it. The patrols would catch her, surely. But it didn't matter. She'd skip dinner to make up for the time the detention would take. It would all balance out.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could make out another silent figure along the staircases. Her heart jumped.

_It couldn't be a patrol… They don't have a torch. Perhaps it burned out? No, they'd have re-lighted it. It must be… someone like me. Out late. Sneaking around._

Suddenly, she felt very foolish. How silly it was to be sneaking through the castle at night! She could run into countless numbers of different sorts of people. If she were attacked, no one could hear her scream. Even if they did, there wouldn't be thing they could do. She'd be gone already.

Her pace quickened, and she lost sight of the dark figure. She began to panic. Someone with a torch exited onto the staircase. She was just out of range of the glow the light cast upon the stairs, but she was frozen. The next thing she knew was something warm thudding against her, a hand being clamped over her mouth, a shout, heavy footsteps, and her legs somehow finding the power in them to keep up with the person that had their hand clasped in hers.

She did not utter a single sound as they raced through the halls, the footfalls behind them echoing louder than both of their own in the stone hall.

"STOP! STOP RUNNING AWAY; I'LL CATCH YOU!"

It was the angry voice of Lily Evans, Head Girl. The pair in front of her only sped up. The boy pulled the girl sharply into a hidden passage, and a short grunt of pain escaped her throat. They were pressed tightly against each other in the passage, both trying desperately to make their rugged breathing unheard.

The redhead stopped running. She cast her torchlight round the hall, and it illuminated the murderous glare painting her features. She shouted some more, stomped her foot at receiving no response, and swore vengeance on the two miscreants before going off in another direction.

Neither of the pair dared move until they could no longer hear the Head Girl in the distance. The dark-haired girl sighed a breath of relief, and the boy grinned.

"Well, that was fun."

The girl's mouth fell open slightly. "Fun?"

The boy shrugged. "Yeah. It's a rush."

"I would suspect, for someone reckless as you, it is."

With a seed of contempt placing itself in her chest, the girl slid easily out of the passage. The boy followed after her.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

The boy seemed about ready to accept that as an answer and continue down the hall to his previous destination when he noticed the stream of blood flowing from the girl's right knee. He gasped. She stepped back as he came towards her, but he was by her side in an instant.

"Let me see that."

"No." She put her right leg back farther. "It's fine."

"It is not; it's gushing blood!" he exclaimed, bewildered.

She shushed him harshly. "Do you _want_ Evans to hear you?"

Despite the sharp tone of her voice, her body began to sway from the loss of blood in her leg. Somewhere in their journey, she'd split open the knee with the bruise. Her legs began to shake, and the boy wasted no time in cradling her in his arms and marching determinedly off towards the Hospital Wing.

She protested immensely, but he would not hear her. Her voice was becoming weaker. He hurried his step. They hadn't gone too far when another light was cast upon them. This torch belonged to one James Potter.

"Sirius! Who is that?" James fell into step beside Sirius, who was speeding up more by the second. "And what happened?"

"I'm not sure. We ran into each other, and then we had to hide from Evans. I almost didn't notice how badly she was bleeding."

"She unconscious?"

A soft mutter passed the girls lips, answering the question; she was barely there. Sirius began to run, and James sprinted right beside him the entire way to the Hospital Wing. They burst inside, waking two annoyed patients, and Madame Pomfrey tended to the girl quickly.

Sirius held the girl's hand in his as she lay down on the hospital bed. Pomfrey was examining her, caring for her, healing her, and all the time James and Sirius did not leave her side. When the girl cried out in pain, Sirius squeezed her hand tighter. She squeezed back. Her hand fell limp in his after a while, and Pomfrey began to panic. She stabilized the girl within a matter of seconds, and after a time, finally let out a breath of relief and sat in the chair beside the bed.

"She'll be alright, then?" Sirius asked immediately. "She'll wake up okay?"

"Yes; she'll be fine. She's just asleep now. The knee was already damaged before from something; one of the bones in her leg was nearly split. She'd been bleeding internally for a while. When the skin was cut, it was infected. But I fixed it all up and she's going to be okay." Pomfrey took another deep breath and wiped a bit of panicked sweat from her brow. "May be quite painful when she awakes, though," she added thoughtfully.

"Well, then… Can't you give her something to stop the pain?"

The nurse pursed her lips, somewhat irritated with the boy. "Not until she wakes, Mr. Black. It'll not do any good now; she's sleeping, anyway. And besides, I've already given her quite a dose. If she gets too much in her system, it'll stop her heart. And I'm sure you wouldn't want that…?"

"No, ma'am." Sirius hung his head a little, still keeping a firm hold in the girl's hand.

"You should leave," she said, eyeing his hand. "She won't be awake before late morning."

"I want to stay with her."

"Come on, Sirius." James put his large palm on his friend's shoulder. "It no use waiting here; she's not going to wake up for a while. You should get some sleep."

"I want to stay with her," he repeated adamantly.

"Do you even _know _her?"

Sirius glanced at her soft face. Her features were not sharp or much defined, but they still held an elegance. Her dark curls were sprawled on the white pillow round her angelic face. He was sure he'd seen her somewhere before, but then he thought again he surely would have been able to remember her if he had. He did not know her name, in any case.

He found himself wondering if he ever would. The thought that he never may stirred something in him.

"No. I don't know her." He sighed as he rose from the plastic chair beside her bed. "You're right; I should get some sleep."

The two friends shuffled slowly back up to Gryffindor Tower. They chatted some, though Sirius seemed a bit detached. James made a great effort to get a chuckle out of him, and soon they were laughing so hard they had to remind themselves the entire castle was asleep. Sirius punched James's shoulder, and his friend punched him back.

They were nearing the common room when, without warning, the glow of a torch was cast upon them. They stood stark still in the light. The radiant face of Lily Evans was pulled up in a mix of anger, shock, and triumph.

"I told you I would catch you."

"Sorry, Lily. We were taking a girl to the Hospital Wing."

"Then why were you running?" she demanded suspiciously.

James looked to Sirius for help, nudging the boy when he received none. Sirius glared at his friend momentarily before turning back to the furious redhead. "It wasn't James running; it was me and the girl. She hurt her knee, and I was carrying her to the Hospital Wing when I found James patrolling. He helped me get her there."

"What girl?"

"I don't know her name." Sirius shrugged. "We just ran into each other."

"Oh, how convenient," Lily spat. Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Now, which one of you is going to tell me who it is, hmm? I'll give you both detentions if I don't have a name in five seconds."

"Merlin, Evans! We already told you we don't know! It was just some girl. _We don't know her name_."

"Calm down, Sirius," James said gently. Sirius regulated his breathing and bit his tongue.

Lily looked both of them up and down disbelievingly. "And how do I know you're not lying?"

"You're just going to have to trust us." James took a step towards her. "We would tell you if we knew, Lily. I promise we would."

The girl took a step back and crossed her arms. She scanned their faces again. Sirius looked completely expressionless, and James had a soft, pleading look. Her eyes lingered on James' for a minute. She finally heaved an annoyed sigh and looked away.

"Fine. Two detentions for you, then, Black; unless you _do_ figure who she is, in which case she will take her own."

"Thanks." James flashed her a grateful smile. She had to bite back her own smile and instead settled for a disappointed look. James just smiled wider.

"You two done with the staring thing?" Sirius asked in a bored tone. "Cause I think I'd like to get back to the tower now."

Lily turned a glare on him. "Watch yourself, Black."

He did not respond as she stormed away. James watched her go with a goofy look still on his face. When he saw that James would stand there forever if someone didn't intervene, Sirius grabbed James' hand and dragged him up the last flight of stairs to Gryffindor Tower.

"Did you see that? She almost smiled at me."

"You sound a firstie schoolgirl, mate."

James shot him a half-hearted glare but soon returned to his dreamy smiling. Sirius rolled his eyes.

***

The girl's eyes flitted open softly. At the first bright flash of light, she closed them and screwed up her face in pain. She could still feel the brightness on her eyelids. Groaning sleepily, she turned to the side and buried her face into her pillow.

"Morning," someone said cheerfully from beside her.

She opened her eyes wide, scanned the face of the boy next to her, and sat up very suddenly. There was a searing pain in her head as soon as she did, and she winced. The boy gently pushed her shoulder back onto the bed so she was lying down again. She glared at him.

"You brought me to the Hospital Wing?" she asked poisonously.

"What a magnificent way to thank your savior."

"You are _not_ my savior."

Sirius chuckled. "Well, what do you call the person that saves your life? You'd have bled to death if it weren't for me. Now, how do you plan on repaying me? Because I did have a little something in mind," he said with a wink. "And I think you'll like it."

"I don't plan on repaying you at all! I wouldn't even be in here if it weren't for you!"

"Actually, dear," Madame Pomfrey cut in as she came to the other side of the bed and began to measure out a potion, "he's right. You'd already been bleeding internally for a while. Without that cut on your knee, you'd have just been in awful pain until you died. He did save your life."

"Told you." He offered a cheeky grin, and she scowled. "Oh, come on, love; don't be like that. I'm sure you can find _some way_ to thank me."

"If you wink at me one more time, I am going to slap you."

"Ooh." He clicked his tongue. "Naughty, naughty. I _like_ it."

"Mr. Black, honestly. The girl's in a lot of pain. Give her a break." Madame Pomfrey handed her the potion.

The girl hadn't noticed how much her knee pained her until the nurse mentioned it. Without asking what it was, she downed the potion quickly and felt immediate relief. It still left a bitter taste in her mouth, though, and Pomfrey seemed to know it would. She handed the girl a glass of water, which was taken gratefully.

"Thank you. Should I… be getting to class?"

"Oh, heavens no!" the nurse exclaimed. "You'll need to re-grow that bone."

"I broke a bone?" Cautiously, the girl lifted up the sheet to survey the damage. She flinched at what she saw. "Oh. That's disgusting."

"Then why did you look?"

Pomfrey had a point. Still, the girl crossed her arms in defiance, annoyed at having to be kept longer in the Hospital Wing. She turned her anger towards Sirius.

"Shouldn't you be getting to class?"

"Not yet," he said with another _irritating_ grin. "I need to know your name first. Evans caught me and James going back to the common room. Had to tell her the truth. She said if I didn't figure out who you were, I had to serve both our detentions. So… who are you?"

"You honestly expect me to tell you anything with that introduction?" She scoffed. "Wow. You're annoying _and_ delusional. That's just perfect."

"Mr. Black," Pomfrey intervened warily before Sirius could retort, "you need to get to class. It starts in five minutes."

"But… I didn't even get to eat!"

"Which is your own fault. You didn't have to spend your entire lunch waiting for the girl to wake up. That was your choice. Now, get out of here before you traumatize her any further."

After a few more protests, Pomfrey unceremoniously kicked Sirius out of the Hospital Wing. The girl in the hospital bed was somewhat touched that Sirius would use his lunch to wait for her to wake up, but it wasn't enough to dissipate her annoyance.

_He was probably just waiting for me to get up so he could get me to snog him as a 'thank you.' Ruddy pig._

She spent the rest of the day in bed, complaining to herself. She was missing classes and notes, as well as the morning post, and Kimra would be wondering where she was. It was likely she had sent a letter to their mother already. Kimra was not one to waste time when tattling on her older sister for acting abnormally or not being where she was supposed to.

When all classes had ended for the day, the girl's persistent visitor was back. She pursed her lips and swore to herself she would not speak to him. Sirius sat down beside her bed, and this time he had company with him.

"Hello again! I brought my friends with me this time. We're going to figure out your name."

She looked away, determined not to speak a word.

"I'm Remus," the boy on that side introduced himself. "Sorry Sirius here is such a git."

"Hey! I can hear you!"

"Best just to ignore him," Remus went on with a nod.

The girl smiled very slightly at him. "So I've learned."

"Hey!" This time, Sirius marched over to the other side of the bed with a pout on his face. "Moony, you're so not allowed to flirt with her! I called her!"

"_Excuse_ me?"

Her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. She looked so terrifying for a minute that Sirius took a step back. "Er… I didn't… mean it like that?"

"Yes, you did."

"Stay out of this, Moony!"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Well, you've only been talking about her all day, mate."

"It's true," James said with a nod. "How her long, dark hair cascades into curls down her back, how her eyes are the most perfect stormy grey, how her supple curves-"

"That's enough!" the girl interrupted, quickly turning red in the face.

"I was just speaking the truth, love." Sirius grinned.

"Don't call me that, prick."

"Don't call you what, love?"

She clenched her fists. "I'm going to rip your prettyboy face into shreds, you git."

"You think my face is pretty? Why, imagine that! Here I was thinking you found me completely unattractive. Which, really, is quite impossible in itself. But the truth comes out!"

"Sirius," Remus said in a warning tone as the girl's face began to contort more with her increasingly fury, "I think you should leave now."

James, agreeing, began to pull Sirius out of the Hospital Wing. Peter Pettigrew followed after them, occasionally giving Sirius a shove as well. Remus watched them leave with an interested look. He glanced back at the girl, as if asking whether he could stay.

She took his hand in hers and looked him straight in the eye. "Thank you."

"Oh. Um… It's n-no problem."

They held each other's gazes for a long minute. Remus was about to open his mouth to speak again when another girl walked into the Hospital Wing. The girl in the bed quickly dropped Remus' hand, and he looked at her in confusion. She did not spare another glance his way.

"Well, _there_ you are." The slender girl hovered over the bed with her arms crossed in annoyance. "I was beginning to wonder what in Merlin's name was so bloody _important_ that you couldn't be bothered to tell me why exactly you never came back last night and didn't turn up anywhere the entire day."

"Oh, I'm _so_ sorry. They haven't gotten the hospital mailing system up yet."

"You should really be a bit nicer to me right now, don't you think?" she snapped.

The girls glared at each other. Finally, the one standing resumed her bored stance. She put a hand on her hip and surveyed the room. When her eyes landed on Remus, her mouth twisted into a devious smile.

"Remus Lupin by your bedside? Hmm. I'm sure Mother would love to hear about that."

"Sod off, Kim," her sister spat. "He's only here because his idiot friend nearly killed me."

Kimra raised a dark, sculpted eyebrow at him. "You know, it's really too bad you hang out with a bunch of blood traitors. You wouldn't be half-bad otherwise."

Remus' face was stony, and it only hardened further with her comment. "I think I'll just be leaving now."

"Oh, no! Don't let me ruin all your _fun_." She smiled sweetly at him and winked as he rose. "You can get back to whatever it was you were doing. I won't watch."

"Leave him alone, queen bee. He didn't do anything."

"Defending the filth, Kylin?" Kimra faked a dramatic gasp and placed a manicured hand over her heart. "What will Mother think?"

Kylin closed her mouth tightly and bit the inside of her lip. With a glare set on her face, she turned to Remus. "Stop tainting the air. Honestly, this is a hospital; the last thing anyone wants in here is dirt. Get out before you make anyone sicker than they already are."

Remus looked surprised for a split second, but he hid it well. With a firm look of distaste for both of them, he exited the Hospital Wing. Kimra watched him walk out with a hungry look in her eye.

"It really is too bad he's a ruddy Gryffindor. He's so fit." The girl turned to her sister with a mischievous look on her face. "Well, I suppose since you're not dead or anything, I'll be off. Feel better soon, Ky. Oh! And if I ever find another Gryffindor's been anywhere near you without hexes flying, there will no place for you to hide."

Kimra exited the Hospital Wing, the strut that was always in her step evident. Kylin rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. She fumed at her sister for hours until she again fell asleep. Madame Pomfrey had to wake her up to give her more Skele-Gro. It burned down her throat, and she desperately wanted to spit it back out.

She couldn't fall asleep again after that. There was the terrible feeling in her leg of thousands of pins being jammed into it. Madame Pomfrey said more painkiller would only make it worse because of something about the composition of both potions possibly reacting badly. Kylin pouted to herself, all wrapped up in self-pity. She hated it.

At least, she hoped, she would be released soon. It had been years upon years since she had gone a day without practicing. She began to fear she may lose the ability to hold an arabesque. The worry began to claw at her insides. She let out an ear-piercing scream and pretended to roll around in nightmares until Madame Pomfrey gave her a dreamless sleep potion.

She wondered vaguely what those boys were doing. Quickly dismissing the thought, she rolled over onto her other side and fell into a peaceful sleep.

***

Remus opened the door wide as he entered and then slammed it shut behind him. James and Sirius looked up from their whispered conversation. Even Peter spared a look at the furious boy before returning to his homework.

"What's up, mate?" James asked cautiously.

"I know who she is."

"Who… _who_ is?"

The copper-haired boy flopped down on his four-poster with an irritated sigh. "The girl from the hospital."

"You know her name?" Sirius hopped up from his seated position on the ground and sat next to Remus. "Well… what is it?"

"She's one of those Greengrass girls. You know; the twins."

"Oh Merlin! Of course she is!"

"I knew I recognized her from somewhere," James agreed with a nod.

"So… what happened after we left? She just told you?"

Remus laughed humorlessly at Sirius' inquiry. "Not exactly. The other twin came in to see her. I remembered as soon as I saw them together. I can't believe I didn't recognize her at first."

"That one Sirius saved isn't the same one that tried to hit on me that one time, is she?" James asked. "Cause I hate her."

"No; that one's her sister, Kimra."

"How do you tell the difference?" Sirius scoffed.

"Kimra's eyes are green; Kylin's are grey."

"Aha!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping up from the bed. "Her name is Kylin!"

With a disinterested nod, Remus grabbed his bookbag from the side of the bed and slid out his Transfiguration homework. Sirius, however, darted from the room in search of Lily. James followed, never missing an opportunity to see the object of his infatuation; especially when he had a good excuse.

They tumbled down the boys' staircase, and James spotted Lily right away on the couch in front of the fire. Sirius muttered something about him having 'Evans radar' as they ran towards her eagerly. James went around the couch and sat on the table right in front of Lily, and Sirius leapt over it to land beside her. She shrieked in surprise.

"Calm down, Evans; we aren't going to drag you away to a far-off place and poke you to death."

Lily frowned at Sirius and looked to James. "What do you want?"

"Besides you?" He smiled in a goofy manner. "I'd like to clear up my mate's name, if that's alright."

"Then get on with it so you can leave me in peace."

"I know her name!" Sirius shouted triumphantly, earning the odd looks of several bystanders.

"Whose name, dare I ask?"

"The girl! You know… the girl?" Sirius had an excited look at his face, and Lily urged him on warily. "The girl from last night! Remember? I know you remember."

Her eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh! Yes; that. Well… what is it?"

"Kylin Greengrass."

"You mean… the _Slytherin_, Kylin Greengrass?" Lily inquired in disbelief.

Sirius nodded eagerly. Lily looked at him carefully, as if deciding whether or not to believe him. When he insisted, she finally gave up just to get them to go away. Sirius jumped with joy – literally, _jumped_ with joy – and Lily covered her eyes as the two immature boys began to prance around singing her praises.

With a very annoyed sigh, Lily gathered her things and hurried up the stairs to the girls' dormitory before they could stop her. James didn't notice she was gone until he and his friend had successfully made everyone in the common room roll on the floor with laughter. He whined when he did finally take note of her absence, and Sirius pushed him out the portrait hall so they could 'share the good news with their favorite Slytherin buddy.' James only whined more.

Once they'd reached the Hospital Wing, they flung the doors open and began to sing again. Madame Pomfrey shushed them harshly, threatening to kick them out if they woke anyone up. She also reminded them that curfew was soon and they should get back to their common rooms. They conveniently ignored that part.

"Hey, Prongsie!" Sirius whisper-shouted from Kylin's bedside. "She's asleep!"

"Aw. Doesn't she look so peaceful when her face isn't all angry-like?"

They both smiled a bit at the sleeping girl before leaving the Hospital Wing again. There was only so much of them the nurse could handle in a day, James reasoned. They took a detour to the kitchens, making them late for curfew. They were caught by a Hufflepuff patrol who only gave Sirius detention. Apparently, he was a bit frightened to punish the Head Boy.

"Smart kid," James said in an admirable tone as the yellow-crested boy walked off.

Sirius punched his arm.


End file.
